⑴ 誰能給我一些笑話（最好英語）中文也行
The Speeding Ticket
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding...
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.
Officer: Can I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: Oh, it's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: Yeah. Oh, but come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove compartment when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: You have a gun in there?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the lady who owns the car. She's in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the trunk?!?
The officer tells the man to hold on, backs off carefully, and calls for backup. Quickly, the car is surrounded by police, and the captain approaches the driver to handle the situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure, Officer.
Captain: Hmm, this license is just fine. Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open the glove compartment, please, so I can see if there's a gun in there?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
He opens it, and sure enough, there's no gun.
Captain: Would you mind if we opened the trunk? I was told you said there's a body in there.
Driver: No problem.
The trunk is opened, nothing in there but a spare tire.
Captain: The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove compartment, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too!
Best Way
Mary loved Tom, but she worried about all the money he squandered when they went out together. "How can I stop Tom from spending so much money on me?"She asked her mother.
"Marry him!"
Dating for Mother
When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he.
One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
A New Drug 一種新葯
Jack:I have invented a new drug which could kill lice effectively.
Tom:That's wonderful. How is it used?
Jack:When you catch a louse, just put a little of that drug on its mouth and it will die immediately.
⑵ 開播9.4分，大尺度神劇，我們中國的影視為什麼拍不出《致命女人》
「即使最美好的婚姻，一生中也會有200次離婚的念頭，50次掐死對方的沖動。」感情專家溫格·朱麗在《幸福婚姻法則》中寫下這句勸慰的話語時，她肯定想不到，「讓老公去死」，不只是一種詛咒，更會變成一種現實。
⑶ 夢見老公為別的女人差點把我掐死
會在公眾面前表現出更多的私人特徵，喜歡什麼，討厭什麼，都明明白白地寫在臉上，甚至有些是你一直以來在掩飾的東西都會被人讀懂。會有異性因此喜歡上你！注意了，在此時關注你的異性往往喜歡的是本質的你，應該倍加珍惜才是！