⑴ 谁能给我一些笑话（最好英语）中文也行
The Speeding Ticket
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding...
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.
Officer: Can I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: Oh, it's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: Yeah. Oh, but come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove compartment when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: You have a gun in there?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the lady who owns the car. She's in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the trunk?!?
The officer tells the man to hold on, backs off carefully, and calls for backup. Quickly, the car is surrounded by police, and the captain approaches the driver to handle the situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure, Officer.
Captain: Hmm, this license is just fine. Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open the glove compartment, please, so I can see if there's a gun in there?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
He opens it, and sure enough, there's no gun.
Captain: Would you mind if we opened the trunk? I was told you said there's a body in there.
Driver: No problem.
The trunk is opened, nothing in there but a spare tire.
Captain: The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove compartment, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too!
Best Way
Mary loved Tom, but she worried about all the money he squandered when they went out together. "How can I stop Tom from spending so much money on me?"She asked her mother.
"Marry him!"
Dating for Mother
When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he.
One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
A New Drug 一种新药
Jack:I have invented a new drug which could kill lice effectively.
Tom:That's wonderful. How is it used?
Jack:When you catch a louse, just put a little of that drug on its mouth and it will die immediately.
⑵ 开播9.4分，大尺度神剧，我们中国的影视为什么拍不出《致命女人》
“即使最美好的婚姻，一生中也会有200次离婚的念头，50次掐死对方的冲动。”感情专家温格·朱丽在《幸福婚姻法则》中写下这句劝慰的话语时，她肯定想不到，“让老公去死”，不只是一种诅咒，更会变成一种现实。
⑶ 梦见老公为别的女人差点把我掐死
会在公众面前表现出更多的私人特征，喜欢什么，讨厌什么，都明明白白地写在脸上，甚至有些是你一直以来在掩饰的东西都会被人读懂。会有异性因此喜欢上你！注意了，在此时关注你的异性往往喜欢的是本质的你，应该倍加珍惜才是！